Gagged & Stabbed - Do Women Really Like It?
- Karen Tate
- Jun 29
- 7 min read
Talking about sex - the clitoris, porn, male loneliness, women's choices and Aphrodite temples.
Talking About Sex – How Do We Learn About It?
Recently I decided not to be stifled anymore. I admitted I had kept quiet about politics in women’s circles to keep the peace, to be polite, to not make people uncomfortable. And I still wrestle with that because if we can’t talk about politics NOW, with fascism on the doorstep, already taking away all the freedoms we’ve grown to accept as normal, then when will it be the right time to talk about the values and morals we want at the center of our society and who we want as our leaders? When will it be the right time to say “don’t tell me you’re practicing love and Oneness when you’re propping up or personally practicing forms of discrimination.”
I came out and talked about women’s anger being reviled – by both men and women, even though anger is a positive emotion that ushers in change, but people don’t like to be uncomfortable, even when it might be for their own good. Instead of being uncomfortable for a nano second to solve a problem they resort to spiritual bypassing – “Lets pray for them and send them love and compassion.” Instead of having the courage to be angry some women have developed the manipulative, safer or more normalized way to express that their needs aren’t being met – saying they don’t “feel safe” or with white women’s tears.
Now I want to talk about SEX.
Patriarchal conditioning and today’s male influencers have not only robbed men of their empathy and emotions, it has taught women to endure and denied them their ability to express their true desires, their sensuality and their sacred rage. Society, both women and men, have a long way to go to develop emotional maturity, with men way behind the curve .
Some women, however, are beginning to be more honest, with enough to shift consciousness and cultural trends.
Women are admitting way too many men don’t offer up enough juice for the squeeze. In other words, women have to do all the work – physically, emotionally, and sexually. We’re deciding we’d rather stay home with our cats – even some dogs are too needy. Too many men want a mother with benefits who puts a hot meal on the table, takes care of the kids and is the eveready bunny in the bedroom. Or they want a breeder to produce their own little Mini-Me. Some women stay in relationships of domestic violence, both physical and emotional, stuff the abuse and misuse, because society has conditioned them to do so - but that’s becoming like a bad movie sequel or rerun, too.
A gender researcher shared that women are tired of investing all the emotional labor without any support in return while men want that cartoon woman from their video games who doesn’t talk back or challenge him. Then they wonder why they’re lonely. Check out this video from a man being real talking about the epidemic of male loneliness – but be sure to come back so you don’t miss my radical conclusion.
Are men blaming women but in fact are making themselves less relevant – and less informed - sitting on the couch playing video games and listening to Joe Rogan?
According to gender researcher, Alice Lassman,”What’s emerged is a sense that women are absorbing the emotional fallout of a crisis they didn’t create. The anxieties surrounding what it means to be a man in 2025 should matter to everyone. They’re reshaping not just our politics, but the very fabric of how women and men interact — shaping how we love, how we vote, and whether we can build a future together at all. Telling the other side of the “masculinity crisis” is key to solving it.”
But things are changing.
Remember, it only takes 3.5% of people to change the world.
More and more today women are childless by choice and have other aspirations without kids dominating the center of their world for decades. Some women are choosing to be asexual. Some aren’t sure about their sexuality and that should be okay too. Younger women are entering into platonic relationships with another woman to buy a house and raise kids together because the men they meet are doing little to evolve and develop emotional maturity. Could that strategy be a throwback to matrilineal days when the biology of the father was irrelevant and women and their children stayed within the woman’s tribe, kept her own assets, passed down to her from her mother? Maybe this is our contemporary version of something like that.
Do women really like being gagged and stabbed? Is bigger really better?
Which brings me to the question: Do women really like being gagged and stabbed? Is bigger really better or does that just make a more ample weapon? Do women go along and say all that to please our men? Please don’t gasp or grab your pearls. Maybe women have not been able to be honest within patriarchal society. And yes, I know there are good relationships with good sex out there. I mean look at what’s come out after the MeToo movement, about Weinstein, Trump, Epstein and the Diddy allegations. Four out of ten women experience sexual violence and accept it as normal – and that’s just what’s reported! Look at all the allegations against the Orange Menace and men, including Evangelicals, put him on a pedestal.
Many young women think oral sex isn’t sex.
Who doesn’t think some guy made that up for, let’s say - a quick release? Or the evergreen, “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out!” How many women ended up pregnant after falling for that line? Reminds me of my scoundrel great grandfather telling his naive young wife the baby in her womb wouldn’t finish growing all its organs and body parts unless they had sex every night.
But today, in 2025, women and men are taught sexual relations are only for procreation, not sexual pleasure. Or maybe you’ve heard of the shrouds placed between the male and female body, with only a hole to insert the penis to complete the act of coitus. Sometimes the woman’s face is even covered. No skin touches except there in the fabric glory hole. Imagine the selfish lover these men turn out to be! And the warped sense of self the women might carry about themselves and their bodies.
Between young women learning these bad ideas and maybe watching porn where can they get a healthy education about the most intimate aspects of their lives? How much do women tolerate without much hope of personal pleasure? How many women haven’t or rarely achieved orgasm? I recently saw a statistic saying 65% of hetero women experienced orgasm. I thought that was probably high. Without clitoral stimulation only 18% of women experience orgasm!
In our patriarchal society, where men are central and primary, women are often relegated to being the side-kick or the plus one. The breeder, arm candy or trophy wife. They take a back seat in most things, even medicine. Galen, from ancient Greece, who influenced medicine for 1300 years, said the clitoris had no real purpose. Aristotle thought “Women are mutilated males,” and Antonio Valsalva, considered the founder of anatomy, thought the clitoris a useless part of the body. Admittedly, these guys are dinosaurs, but female genital mutilation is still practiced in this day and age with the belief a woman isn’t marriageable unless her genitals are mutilated, insuring she never enjoys sex which might lead her to stray. If you’ve never heard of FGM, please investigate it. As for women’s health being neglected and not a priority to study, today in 2025, doctors cannot tell women why they suffer from bleeding uterine fibroids!
But back to the super important clitoris: Turns out the clitoris wasn’t studied until 2005 by Helen O’Connell who with her colleagues wrote an academic paper titled The Anatomy of the Clitoris and delved into the size and scope of this really big powerhouse for women’s pleasure. It’s worth looking up ladies. Check out this article in the Guardian about why the clitoris is ignored. But be sure to come back for my radical idea.
Which brings me to thoughts about the Aphrodite Temples of sacred prostitution, or so they’ve been called. Let’s imagine for a minute our society isn’t filled with sexual shame from patriarchal and religious beliefs and we had temples of sexual education and healing. Imagine we don’t have people out there banning books and rewriting history before our eyes. Imagine when a young woman or boy reaches puberty they receive the benefit of age appropriate education to learn about their bodies for health and pleasure. Maybe they learn about the wide spectrum of gender, too. What might actually be the outcome? How might that change the course of humanity and inter-personal relationships? Might it even contribute toward the eradication of sexism and misogyny? Could it help circumvent perversion and fear? Might we once again see sexual union as a conduit to the Divine? Might sexual relations become sacred without shame and taboos?
And I’ll leave you with another great mini-film you shouldn’t miss: Patriarchy from the Boardroom to the Bedroom, presented from the heart by a married with children scholar. She tells us all about how women were men’s property, why patriarchy still diminishes women’s wallets, why women don’t seek their own sexual pleasure and gets into more of the aforementioned back story of the clitoris:
I’ll leave you with all that food for thought. Think about it quick before the Trump Regime’s Project 2025 unleashes their Christian Nationalist morality police!
Fun fact: My girlfriend and I poured through the pages of the book Peyton Place trying to figure out what sex was! How did you learn about it?
As we will it, so shall it be!
We are the collective consciousness and we determine our reality!
Comments